Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Phases of a Trip Back Home

Week before Returning: The Can't Wait to Go Phase
Can't wait to go home. Can't wait to go home. Don't have to bloody put on 3 layers of clothes just to stop my balls from turning blue. I can actually walk out in shorts. And... oooh, lor mai kai, how I lust for thy flesh....

Days 1-2: The Hate-Malaysia, Miss-USA Phase
This is stupid. Why do Malaysians bloody drive like this? Why can't Malaysians be friendlier? Why can't things here be more efficient? Why must the bloody immigration department take so long with my passport renewal? Why must this place be so corrupt? Why is Proton so sucky? I miss Veronica.

Days 3-7: The Lau-Nuah Phase
Wahhhh. The girls. Omigod why did I ever leave Malaysia? So slim. So supple, gentle. So pretty. And the food. Perpetually bloated from the 5 meals a day. I'm getting dehydrated from drooling so much.

Days 8-10: The Adaptation Phase
Hmm. Home isn't so bad. Yea, it's not perfect, but neither is the USA. And yea, we're decades behind in terms of public attitude, and the medical system. But we'll catch up someday. And If I return, maybe I can help contribute and change what's lacking here. And hmm... that girl (Ms X/ Y/ Z) is really sweet. I wish I didn't have to leave. Maybe something beautiful would have come out of our friendship. She'd make a good partner in life.
Maybe I should just tell my program director I quit. To hell with my fellowship.

Days 11-Departure: The Regret Phase
Damn it. So what if I work at that bloody famous hospital. Doesn't matter how many degrees I get at the end of the day. Not if my dear friends are not around to share my life with me. Not if I don't have a family to come home to at the end of the day. Not if I can't have wild, rolling-on-the-floor, animal sex five times a day. Or have so much roti canai that ghee oozes from my ears and I bleed cholesterol. Farkdammit. Maybe I shoulda just stayed in Malaysia instead of getting myself into a residency and fellowship. Maybe I'd be happier being a regular Joe-MO.
I don't wanna go...

Departure-Arrival: The REALLY Homesick Phase
Err, Miss Stewardess, I want my mommy....

Week 1: The Surreal Phase
Huh? Did I really go home? Almost feels like I didn't. Hmm. I don't feel homesick anymore. True, I miss my friends and family... but that was how I felt before returning.
Shit. All the stupid clinical notes I have to sign. And patient phonecalls I have to return. Prescriptions to sign. And shit... I'm oncall for the week. Oh well... back to the grind.

Tongue-in-Cheek to an extent. But true in many aspects. The emotions I go through. I'm at day 11 now, so go figure. The feeling I get at the airport is incredible. Almost like it wouldn't take much for me to just rip my ticket up (oops. I got an e-ticket this year). Takes a herculean effort to hold back the tears. Chee How, the first in our gang to leave, gave this advice once; "At the airport, never look back. It makes it easier."

I wonder if they have teddy bears on that Korean Airlines flight I'll be taking? However, knowing me, the last tinge of nostalgia and sadness I experience is when the plane thrusts forward on the runway, and I look out the window, and silently bid Malaysia farewell, and pray that I'll be back soon. By the time we're at cruising altitude, I'm usually no longer homesick.


Blogger dobbs said...

In life one must learn how to be content with the choices you make. Btw I don't see what "wild, rolling-on-the-floor, animal sex five times a day" has to do with where you are but anyway....dream on! :P

Sorry we didn't get to meet you but nvm there will be other trips. Safe journey! :)

2:28 AM  
Blogger vagus said...

Heh. That was just my imagination going wild, Dobbs.
Yea too bad we din get to meet up. Was in SJ several times this trip, but never past 6pm so wasn't able to contact you guys (fearful of the notorious Subang jam).
Ya, it's tough now, but life will be back to normal in 3 days.
God Bless.

2:48 AM  
Blogger piffles said...

yerr.... farkdammit sounds familiar. where did it come from? ;P from meeeeeeeeeeee

5:42 PM  
Blogger vagus said...

well, swear words not copyrighted are they? ;P

6:03 PM  
Blogger Ginn said...

Ah..U make me homesick!
But I am goin home soon! For good.
Excited until I think of the internship posting.....

6:55 PM  
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