Thoughts

Tonight, inexplicably, I was hit with a sudden tinge of loneliness and homesickness.

Perhaps it had something to do with sharing the evening with some close Malaysian friends who are in healthcare, all sharing how Malaysia has in many ways turned us away.

Perhaps it had something to do with me being alone now, on Christmas night.
Or me, being oncall all week.

Or brought on my thoughts of family and friends, moments from Christmases long ago?

Or of that young patient I saw today we all knew was dying, but didn't want to admit it, who made me wonder why I'm so far away from family when it's family that matters?

Perhaps it was just me missing Malaysia? The warmth. The people.

My Malaysian friends often tell me I'm lucky to be here. To be trained at an excellent academic institution. To have these research opportunities. To have a career that is taking off well. To work in a system that, well, works. To be far away from the racial hypocrisy of home. True. I'm thankful to be here. I feel like I've made the right choice. But, dang it, there are days when you just miss home.

Whatever it is, life has its reasons. And with every choice you make, there is something you sacrifice.